Millions of American children are still haunted by the trauma of seeing Janet Jackson's partially exposed breast for a second or two during last year's Super Bowl halftime show, according to a fake FCC study reported in The Onion.
“No one who lived through that day is likely to forget the horror,” said noted child therapist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum. “But it was especially hard on the children.”
The tragic wardrobe malfunction occurred approximately 360 days ago, during Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake's performance of “Rock Your Body,” when Timberlake tore Jackson's costume, accidentally revealing her right breast.
“By the time CBS cut to an aerial view of the stadium, the damage was done,” said Wasserbaum, who has also worked extensively with orphaned and amputee children in Third World war zones. “I've found that children can be amazingly resilient, but this event was too much for many of them to take. The horrible image of that breast is likely to haunt them for the rest of their lives.”
According to the 500-page report filed by the FCC, more than 90 percent of the children who saw the exposed breast said they were “confused and afraid.”
“Mommy has dirty chest bumps,” said a 5-year-old boy quoted in one of the thousands of case studies compiled by the FCC. “She's like the bad lady on TV. I'm afraid Mommy will take off her shirt and scare everyone. I hate Mommy.”
If you want to relive the trauma:
PS: For a more serious look at the impact of this “scandal” on advertisers for this year's festivities, see this posting.